My task today is on letting go and bonding with the three most important songs in my life. A task that I have procrastinated with since mid day giving myself reasons like this studying for tomorrow’s presentation and such because in my mind ….songs were just flowing and choosing the most important ones well…that’s quite something.
I shall write though, I shall write of the songs that to me speak when everything is breaking down. Songs that always find a way to show me it’s not the end and there is hope still. Songs that have helped me through my high school finals and through relationship struggles through writers block, through everything really.
The first that comes to mind is praise you in the storm by Casting crowns. This is a song that I shall always sing in a karaoke 😛 because it just always speaks to my heart. Like I can’t even begin to explain it. Have you ever felt like you have prayed for something for so long ….longed for something for so long…desired something with all your heart… That you have broken down and wept ,knelt in all fashions you know , laid yourself bare before God and then nothing has happened. It hurts it hurts so much. It is at that moment that many lose hope and faith in God and even I at points I myself am tempted to do the same. You struggle with verses that remind you that a day in God’s timing could be a 1000 days in yours and a 1000 days one day and that God’s timing is perfect and that all works together for good for those who trust in the Lord and keep trying to remind yourself that there must be a reason and that you need to align your will to God and not the other way round.
But surely you are hungry and so is your family and all you want is a job that will sustain you and you have heard of an opening somewhere and you are praying for favour….five ten openings later and you are still begging friends for loans and you wonder what could be so unconstitutional or so bad about praying for such a need.. and it is at that point that this song ….praise you in the storm calls out to me.
It’s rather simple…
I was sure by now God you would have reached down, and wiped out tears away ,
stepped in and saved the day,
but once again I say Amen and it’s still raining and as the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the storm I’m with you… and as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away
And I praise you in the storm and I will lift my hands for you are who you are no matter where I am ..And every year I’ve cried you hold in your hand you’ve never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise you in the storm .
And at the end of that song I remember that mine Is to worship Him and to trust Him and to let go to His will. And
then I have peace again or some semblance of it. And then I sit back and things just flow and start making sense and when I look back many years later or many moments later….the growth I went through that time and the struggles that be at that point seem the happiest in my life. And that …that just blesses my soul. It hurts. It really hurts a lot. Especially at the beginning of the Song and all the way as those words break me and remind me that I don’t always get what I want but in the end ….I am new …I am renewed, I have renewed hope and positivity starts flowing in and just like that I can attract the right kind of things not coz of what I want or coz of so much faith in my positivity but through abandoned hope in God’s favour and providence.
The second song is also a song I sing in those moments of despair. Usually when nothing else can break me. Like even the hope of all hopes is gone. A song for when my little heart is breaking and into too many bits than those my tiny hands can possibly hope to catch as they fall. Then this song comes to mind.
It is a song I heard once in a weekend challenge while in high school. After a play that had been done by the Christian union at night when the message of the play was hitting home. A simple song that ever since has followed me through and I have searched for with such earnesty to only find it via a waptrick link…. It has a simple title… “Heal me” and it’s by voiceunited choir.
It starts in a very mellow tone. “Miongoni mwa majaribu, nakulilia we, Moyo wangu wakutamani lakini sikujui..nionyeshe nyota ilinikufuate ulikolazwa …machozi yangu yatiririka kwani sikuoni …aiyaiyayayae …
Heal me and take away this pain I’m feeling free me from this chains that only you and I can see ”
Translation for the first part being …”among my many troubles I cry out for you, my heart longs for you but I do not know you…show me your star so that I can follow you to where you lay…my tears flow in rivers as I do not see you ”
And that song does things to me. It is so sincere and so honest. An earnest call to God and for me for something else ..a call for healing. It’s like I am telling Him “Dad I have tried everything…everything that I know …And nothing still. Nothing works. I am wounded I am broken, I need you…I need to find you…I need you to make me whole again. Daddy only you can.. please heal me…take my hand and lead me. I had gone away …but I am back now. I had lost my way and I am back now. Take my hand Dad…lead me…Heal me. ”
I need not say more than that. But I can tell you this. The Lord rejoices in a broken and contrite Spirit that is laid bare before Him. And this song breaks me every time. Even right now as I write my heart is in pain it’s calling out to its Creator. It’s crying for home. And that essentially is the song’s intent. I have cried many tears …shed even some more …wept even as this song plays in the background because for me it is more than just that. It’s a prodigal son’s return home. It’s the hurting older brother’s cry when he realises that even though he has been with the Father all this time ….he knew not that he could approach him and he didn’t need to live slaving. It is me going home to the loving arms of my Dad. 🙂
My last song is a simple song that I wrote or rather started singing while in my final year again of high school. As you can tell by now. ..It was quite the year for me. A very simple song… It’s called Siwezi bila wewe ….”I can not without you”. And it’s a rise and fall of those words saying that simply I can not without the Lord. It is impossible without Him. I cannot and I will not without Him. Siwezi bila wewe ….
I would play it over the piano and no I am not a professional player and no I don’t read music I can but I like letting my fingers find their way..And the tune that plays becomes it. So I would play it almost every morning and my day would just be made. A simple song …A simple surrender.
I cannot without you and no matter the tribulations, no matter the struggles, no matter what …I am happy…I am safe, I am content. .I have something so great and so powerful…I have hope. I have God. He has my back. He is my Dad. And I am His.
What else would I need ? :):):):)