Do you ever feel as if you are bound to fail? Bound to repeat the same mistake over and over again? Ever felt like you were so dirty and hopeless? Ever felt like the giant in your life is just laughing at you… Telling you “Boy you never will”
And no matter how many times you tell yourself it’s okay you just come crushing down?
Ever felt like you were hurting so bad that your whole heart was crushing within you? You try in your own strength to fight whatever battle it is your struggling with and nothing!!
That’s how I feel today. I feel like my whole life has just stopped and span around. The progress I have made so far at this low moment feels like nothing at all. And as I sit in bed during a day that I know I should be out there organizing stuff, learning, living, giving hope to those who need it, I wonder what crime is worse.
That I choose to self pity or that I have fallen to a trap I set for myself , that I let one mistake walk me into another, or that I can not forgive myself .
Forgiving of self Is so hard. I wonder why…we look at ourselves with such sharp eyes. Knowing each thought process, each action and feeling we could have done better. And that despair makes us so depressed we go back to the same place searching for solace. Then regret again. Then crush again. Then rush back again to the same place and argh! It’s such a vicious cycle!
There’s a reason why Christ came and died for us sinners. He knows that we can’t on our own. That we need His guiding hands and the Holy Spirit to hold our little tiny hands and give us hugs when we need them. Like today.
That when we mistake, and we fall , we can go and repent and seek His forgiveness and instead of running to that thing that kills you. You run to Him. And Daddy can never lead you to somewhere wrong. And He holds you and gives you hope. And breaks that vicious cycle.
You can run to whatever plagues you or to Him. I can run to Him. I am running to Him. Yes I feel guilty, yes I feel like killing myself,and my body wants to run in the opposite direction, and my mind tells me how can you keep running back to the same place after doing what you knew is wrong? And yes I feel like I am playing with God and His mercies. But I know all this are ways for me to draw away from the truth. And my heart won’t listen to that.
Run to God and He will draw near to you. Wash you a new and change those dirty filthy rags and clothe you with His own righteousness.
So yes I have flawed but like the prodigal son and like David I am here Lord. I come as I am. Forgive me. Heal me.
Check this video out …. I think you might like it. Didn’t know how to share straight from you tube. Sorry
Watch “Third Day – Cry Out To Jesus” on YouTube – https://youtu.be/JmVxRl5bc4Y