Outflow from my heart

Time. Tick tock, tick tock

Time… I have never been good with time. I am either too early or too late. Always.

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It’s almost a disease. Time is the one commodity that God has given in equal measure to every one in the world at any given point and time is the one commodity I seem to be unable to manage. I wonder if it’s the same with other areas of my life ….. I shall self reflect on that later.

A five seconds walk towards my history puts me in a field at 8 am in the morning in a green or purple little uniform collecting litter because I was late for my morning class.

Three years later and a little older, I see a younger older me waking up face frozen as my most feared matron calls out my name at 7:45am in Pangani High school! I ran out of that room and dorm so fast and to date I can still hear the bellow of her laughter echo through the walls and my heart ears. It made us friends from then but boy was I late! I had missed parade!!!

To be honest, I have improved a bit. And those who know me now will tell you that If where I am is improving that i have many other miles to go. But I have improved all the same.

I still don’t know where I get it wrong. Like today morning, we were to meet with our group at 5am. Latest 5:45. I woke up at 5:35 or was it 5:40 I had no time to check. Mum hit the door told me my cab guy was outside and I bolted to the shower. Left the house at 5:50 as they called me to ask where I was. I told them ten minutes. Fifteen minutes later they called to say they were leaving. I was resigned to it. I told them no problem I would find my means. The previous night I had thought of that eventuality and figured there surely must be a matatu to the place.

My cab guy however would hear none of it. He asked me to call them and ask if we can rendezvous at a different point. Along the way of course. And he would tell me tell them three minutes. Four minutes later we really were there right when they were calling to say we are leaving.

The difference of a minute!

As I thank God for my cab guy I look and see just where my problem is. And I realize…I actually do know.  I am a late worker. I can stay up all night doing all sorts of projects. And I usually do. Even in high school I would read from the bathroom floor as it was the only place that had lights and I would flourish.

If I could shower at night to avoid waking early I promise I would. And I have an even worse habit of leaving exactly thirty mins before our meeting time. Irregardless of where. If we are to meet at 9:00 and its a distance I can walk in ten minutes I’ll best leave the house at 8:55 or 8:30. I’ll therefore get there at 8:40 and be agitated if you are late or at 9:05/9:10 and find you agitated that I am late. Even when I’m fully awake.

I’m trying though. And I need to try harder, I just need to find out how.

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For now..still chasing time.

Love

Me💋

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