I am Catholic, born and bred. But for the longest time I have battled with this concept of confession. I mean I thought Christ came and tore the curtain at His death …that we no longer have to go through priests and animal sacrifices to get to Him.
Not so many days ago, we almost argued with a close friend of mine over the same.(he’s alsoCatholic) and I felt bad when he told me to go back to my catechism and understand. I didn’t go back to it of course and I didn’t even bother try to find out. It made perfect sense to me. All the same, to receive Communion in Church I knew I had to do it.
I approached the priest today, right after mass and asked him what day or time was best. He led me to a seat. As we waited for the second mass to flock In.
He sat there patiently and listened. I fumbled through the words before and he told me it was okay. (He could see I was struggling) and in those words that I fumbled I realized that I had not done a confession in ten years and it forced me to flash back through those years.
I started talking and tears flooded …in torrents as I realized that those things I had taken to the altar by myself so many times …had been forgiven but I had never forgiven myself. It also shined a bright light on the path I had once chosen for myself and I cried as I reflected on how God merciful is.
I spoke so little yet so much. When I was done. He was torn between fumbling for tissue and praying for me. But he told me what I knew. That there was nothing he could add and God’s love for me is so much..that every time I do wrong and go back to Him in penance He is merciful and will take me back.
It’s the one thing that always amazes me about God and it’s the one thing the Priest reminded me. He prayed that the Lord might give me peace and blessed me saying over and over that may I go in peace. He asked me to stay there alone and pray for fifteen minutes and thank Him for all that He had done for me. And the floods burst open again. Thank God I had pocket tissue.
As I prayed one thing kept resounding in my head ….its over. Its over now…I can let go. And as the entrance song for the next mass began I let my braids down so that they cover my face and just prayed and prayed thanking God, smiling and almost giggling about how He always finds a new way of surprisng me and making everything just align.
My heart was so full. It still is. I’m back in the room now about to sleep. But I finally get it S. I finally get why we still have priestly confessions. They come to guide us.. to remind us and to lead us back to His Holy arms.
And for that I am grateful. May the Lord bless and keep all His priests and may the guide them to guide us.
And may peace, this elusive peace..this peace that is now mine be your portion.