When I started my purity journey, the last few times, it was hard, Goodness! It was difficult, but nothing quite prepared me for this. No. The value systems haven’t changed, and the Why, though redefined, remains almost the same. But somehow this time its different. There’s no countdown, it just is.
For years, intimacy for me meant physical. A hug, holding hands, making out and the mindset hasn’t changed. I started this journey talking about a battle within me, between what my heart wants, my flesh and my Spirit. Today I realize it all boils down to intimacy. I just long for intimacy. The patterns I had created for such over the years only know one path which makes my life a puzzle, with questions like now that we’re not that way, does he love me? Sad yeah, I know.
A partner who cares is literally a blessing, one who cares enough to protect your purity, to keep you whole and who respects your principles and shares your values, it is literally priceless. I had wanted to write about how daily I am surprised by just how much self control I see, so much so that I look like the antagonist to the whole journey and how daily it makes me fall harder for him, rather makes this love I feel grow. But the same me who wants that, still wants assurance and still wonders if we don’t, well, will we lose it?….idk. Unlearning some things is not a bed of roses.
And the Pressure, Goodness, the pressure to do things just right, not fall yidiyada doesn’t help. Self imposed mark you, but pressure still. It is upon this point that I opened up and told him, and the best answer I could have hoped for, that even as we set boundaries, and even as we adjust, pray and learn new circuitry, it’s one day at a time. I don’t need to think about what if, if it’s just one day at a time. That and the subtle reminder that even when I was done, I did not lose him, I will not now.
While I know, its not always that you have someone as strong with you, the principle remains, One day at a time..
Even when tackling exams, even when tackling weight loss, or just raising money, one day at a time does the trick
Matthew 6: 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own
So here I am, taking one day at a time, and so far, so good, To God be the Glory