My Purity Journey · Outflow from my heart · Relationships and Love

Redefining intimacy


A friend of mine asked me what was the most difficult part of this journey. I thought long and hard and realised that honestly; its intimacy. After a life-long programming that physical attraction and a life of holding hands’ kissing and sex behold the whole meaning of intimacy, it is difficult for me to express love in any other way, or appreciate its delivery in any other way. Movies have literally formatted our minds that true love is sealed by contact, we all await eagerly that golden kiss and when it happens it’s a mix between an aww and finally! Even Sleeping beauty was woken up by true love’s first kiss, and the movie was designed for children!
The likes of me have read all collections of romance stories there are. From Mills and boon to Christmas sth to the old beautiful romance books that uphold chivalry, love, passion and sadly physical intimacy oft away from marriage…but they get there anyway…right? Well…maybe not.

I really really would like to understand intimacy better. I do. There must be more to us than just kissing, yeah? There must be more to love than holding hands, and in the absence of sex, can we still stand? Or does that mean the end of us?
My friend taught me something today that will forever remain in my heart. Intimacy is in the small things. Literally. It’s in that two-minute conversation when you meet on the corridor. It’s the simple walk sharing on the happenings of the day, its in that run across the field while playing tag or just chasing each other around over a sweet, Its reading the Bible together, praying together, working together, dancing, its literally anything under the earth and not necessarily Sex as it were. There was a time I remember many ladies would ascribe to have sex with my mind and not my body, then you’ll have me. (Or something close to that) The logic is the same but the intent is different, we should be so engulfed in enjoying those little moments and they are so beautifully beautiful to us that we are glad to wait to share that bond that sex brings on the marriage bed.

So simply put, it’s the small moments.



They should mean the world to us. Something else he highlighted that struck a chord was how as men when you hold a lady’s hand, one is already thinking of the next step, should I kiss her, then her top off…and it’s not just men, we women have such thoughts as well.

We have lost the beauty of just enjoying each moment, as it is, no thinking about what is the next step, cause there are no steps, it’s not a stair case we are climbing, it’s a journey together. And the beauty of a journey, even a road trip, is not in the destination, but the tiny steps between home and where you are heading. There’s no need to rush the process, there’s eternity for that, Honestly, there is. But we can never undo the journey. We can never rub off a part of it. Sure, we can get lost and find our way back, but it still counts as the journey. DON’T SPOIL YOUR JOURNEY, IT’S NOT WORTH IT.
And with little pleasures like a walk home and watching sunsets or even eating roasted maize, days turn to weeks and weeks to years, families meet and before you know it the wedding chimes are sounding your way. You are not worried about cheating or about funds or any issues, your journey there taught you both how to communicate, taught you self-control, brought you almost to the brink of quitting and then saying No, your journey there has made sure, nothing, no seige, no war, can shake you, for when you were both weak, you learnt to hold each other, not naked but in prayer, going to the only source of your strength, by the time the chime rings, you not only are sure of the level of respect you have each other, or whether it’s the right decision or not, you smile, cry tears of joy even, because you know deep down , you are marrying your best friend, and God is at the centre of it all. And you know that you know that you know, you made the right choice staying pure.

So help us God.

PS: Purity is not the absence of sex but the daily transformation to live our lives not to gratify our own desires but to Uphold those of a being, immensely greater than us, purity means sacrificing our lustful and youthful desires simply because we love God and we trust that He wants best for us, because, sincerely He does. Purity is loving God not only by our tongues but by our minds and bodies as well, knowing we are His living temples and not the other way round. 😊😊






in love




6 thoughts on “Redefining intimacy

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