Jewel decided to stay at Eddy’s for a few. Her exams were done and there were no commitments in her life. Nick’s funeral would be today and she knew it would be all over the News. She did not want to think about it.
She did not want to think of how his lips had felt in hers…
The warmth in his hands…
His goofy smile
His mad driving and how he was a lunatic with speed
She did not want to think of the morning texts, flowers and all those stupid thoughts.
She could see him, she could feel him and the image always ended in deception, that girl and him half naked blood all over him. Social media was not kind, images of the gross image of him and his love had circulated the media. Her school “friends” had been kind enough to ensure she saw them. She switched them off.
She switched everything off.
There was a new car at the garage, a Mini Cooper John Cooper; she was more of a Mercedes girl but she needed a distraction and the car intrigued her. It had been well made and adept for street racing but she was keen on seeing how they could improve the 0-60 mph from 6.1s to perhaps 5 or even 4.8s.
Such thrills really excited her.
She took the car for a spin after spin trying to see what could be improved. She tried fusing her mind with that of the engineers to understand the car. As was norm, Eddy and co were ready to give this beast an up lift!
Eddy had made an empire out of it! Ever since the success with WRX he had found an amazing need in the market and moved in to close the gap.
With every turn, she came back to review with one of the guys working for Eddy. She hadn’t even gotten the name but honestly did not even notice. All her mind was focused on that road and the car before her.
They needed this car lighter but stronger, a feat that would prove to be quite the challenge.
For one they could get a stickier set of tyres than the standard fit Pirelli Cinturatos, perhaps in size 18.
She was wondering how they could play with the exhaust system to add on the torque but that meant new pistons, a new turbo and a lot of money but it would increase the output gain. She needed to discuss that with Eddy. Nick would have known where to get quality pistons at a good rate and just like that her heart sunk.
She gave out the car keys and wandered from the drive way. She had to talk to someone but didn’t know how. She had never opened up to anyone other than Liz and she felt like this was too much to share with her. Somehow, it felt like she would be burdening her.
She checked her phone one more time, mother still had not texted. She felt broken. She had finally gathered the courage to reach out to her and she hadn’t even bothered responding.
She just somehow had expected different. She saw so many other numbers, so many! Media no doubt, wanting her to comment on her role in Nick’s life. She wondered if this is what her mother did for a living. Call people using odd numbers for interviews.
It made her sad.
She switched off her phone and drifted into the vicinity. Eddy was not around so she could let down and not act cool. She did not want him any more worried. That night at the bar had been bad enough. She veered off the compound, walking for miles, her mind lost in thought until she stood rooted to the ground in front of a building. It was a tiny little church, one she had never seen before but she felt both compelled and drawn to enter.
There was a time that church meant everything to her. When faith kept her and love and God was her rock. She smiled as she remembered reading the Bible with her dad before the night time stories.
Now here she was…hopeless.
She walked calmly in, bowing before the altar and finding herself a corner to just sit. She looked up at the crucifix and wondered what she must have done To Christ to go through so much pain and death.
She wondered whether her dad was in heaven and wished Nick was on a fast train straight to hell, a sulphur-filled, serpent -infested, Cheaters hell. Shame overcame her. Fierce and burning shame as she wondered whom she was to judge so harshly. She wondered what God thought of such prayers.
Was He even there? Did He even care? What sort of Deity would leave a girl feeling orphaned even when her mother was alive?
She wondered what was wrong with her! Why would she attract such a man into her life? Why did it have to be Nick? What was wrong with her? Why was she always attracting death? Such thoughts plagued her so much that she did not feel the silent tears down her eyes. She didn’t feel herself breakdown and didn’t hear her own sobs. She just stared at the Cross wondering what curse had befell her that everyone she loved was taken away.
She imagined Nick going down the ground and she cried. She cried so much that she thought she would lose her heart and then she suddenly stopped.
Why would she cry over someone who did not care for her? Someone who chose someone else over her and then still cheated on that person. She wondered if that lioness Alice was in the funeral. She felt hate and rage rise in her. It served him right. It served her right. It served them all right.
With that, she rose, turned and left. No sign of the Cross, no bowing, Why bow? Who cared anyway?