Dear young adult, yes you who’s turning 30 yes you who’s just finished college, and everyone in between; let’s talk pressure, shall we?
So you have just finished college or university, and you were promised a life of happy roses with all doors open once you graduated and you soldiered on. But here you are now, daily trudging the busy roads of Nairobi with your sacred papers in a folder walking in and out of offices. The phrase “we shall call you back should we have an opening” has become such a norm you barely acknowledge it anymore. Your Instagram is filled with pictures of your friends in offices with captions of #workflow #mondayrhythm and your facebook is no different and you wonder what doors they knocked or whom they knew, occasionally you see that person who seems to spend their life from one vacay to another and you wonder if you serve a different God.
You finally land the job you wanted, or any job for that matter and life starts making sense. You also join the workflow bandwagon and imagine life is okay, then one day without notice you are in five Whatsapp groups, three wedding committees, and two baby showers and it just then hits you that you have grown up. Everyone everywhere is hooking up and it’s not the regular kind of hook up, good grief, NO. People are getting engaged and babies are popping and all your weekends are suddenly full. Your tailor is making a killing off you because far be it from you to be seen with the same outfit twice. In the rush of it all, you wonder how come you are not dating? You shake your head as you realize that while people were in long-term relationships you had listened to sound advice and had decided to study, you were told there would always be women, and men are not in short supply and now it feels like a drag race.
Your relatives, goodness, would this picture be complete without them? Its graduation day but No! Everyone is already announcing how you are now ripe for taking like you were some fruit that was being primed for that reason only. Your grandmother decides she wants to see her great grandchildren, your aunt is already parading you and announcing “tumemlea vizuri” and suddenly all your friends (of the opposite gender) are taken through a back ground, middle and foreground check and comments of “mtoto wa nani anakaa vizuri” never leave your ear.
Suddenly every family event is room for all cousins to be advised on the importance of progression and THEN in your many years of life questions such as ” how come you never bring anyone home?” start popping and far be it from you to remind them that that was their house rule number 1. Your mother sits you down and analyses all your friends and the constant “sasa mko aje na nani” linger and the answers become more vague with each prompt and going home becomes a constant discussion in your mind. Are you ready for the questions today? And you find yourself postponing that visit home more and more each time.
How about the fact that somehow everyone now seems to have bought a car? or some piece of land ? or both and there’s news of that investment there that seems to have ripened, your other friend has started an organization and your friend from primary school is now a top 25 under 25 or top 40 under 40 and you cannot seem to breathe past your shouting boss or the paper work on your desk and you have to budget that 30k to be able to take that girl for a date, to save up for when you’re moving out and buy furniture that at this point can only be a bed and pay that 100 bob to and from town and God forbid it rain cause then you’ll need to use a bike.
Honestly, the raging internal battle between staying at home because that means getting all the benefits a.k.a free food, no rent, bills for who? and the need to move out because this always bumping with your dad as you leave is slowly becoming an embarrassment you cannot bare.
Should we also consider the fact that there’s Postgraduate to factor in, because what promotion will you get without furthering your studies, let alone the fact that you are not quite sure how the undergraduate papers are helping you..?? And now that you’re adulting you have to be the one to pay for that yourself? Make a name for yourself? And the constant thoughts of all these make you feel like Methuselah for all his years and your face breaks out and now you also have to consider the endless beauty products in the market…
Which reminds me of all the journeys hair journey, fashion journey, there’s yet another road trip planned by the squad and you’re not sure you can hack but don’t want to look like a party pooper…do you have enough money, do you have an off that weekend…can you get someone to cover? Is it ever that serious?????
Let’s try this…
Imagine it’s okay…Imagine the world won’t collapse without you…but imagine you can collapse thinking about it
I won’t lie to you and say that life is easy…heck I’m figuring it out myself…but listening to friends and having gone through a lot of it myself…this is that class that we weren’t taught; “crisis management ”
We are all moving from one step to another. From being supported fully by our loving parents to becoming independent, from identifying ourselves with them as family to creating homes for ourselves, homes with small little pictures of us coming to us now calling mummy and daddy and it’s a lot of adjusting.
It’s also not all supposed to happen in a day, journeys are not taken that way. It’s a daily work in progress of merging those bits of our lives that count and making them one, it’s learning the balance between friends and self-needs; the balance between work and school and love and family. And making it all work. It’s learning when to say no and stick by it and when to allow yourself to bend a little for the greater good. And it’s hard work by itself without comparing your life to the glamour on social media. You hurt yourself for no good reason.
First things first, you are leaving home. But you are not leaving your anchor. The things you’ve learnt all through the years. The God who you learnt to love by studying how your parents loved Him and by seeing How He took them through all the struggles…that God is still with you and if you allow Him will walk with you every step of the way. Also you are not disowned and you can always go back to your parents for their guidance, rely on them for support, and like they always have they will guide you even then albeit from a distance. And NO, it’s not wrong to ask for guidance from your folks, they are LEGIT the only ones who want you to really succeed in life.
Don’t forget your anchor. Your constants. God.
If God is for you who can be against you? Who? If it’s work you seek so diligently, doesn’t He have all the connects you need.. if it’s a spouse you seek won’t He hold your hand through it? Give you your own version of a Boaz or a Ruth. If the problem be selection if he blessed Isaac with a wife so beautiful heart and soul because a servant asked for help….what then will He accord you His child? If a car be your need, won’t He provide the funding? If you need to do your masters won’t He make it possible? Align your work hours and class hours and the funds to pay for it…
But because He is God He will examine your heart, do you want those things because you are envious of others? Because you seek to belong? Or because you need them…
And are you ready for them?? Are you ready for a car? Do you need it right now, is it a want that can wait? Are you ready for a child? A wife? A husband? Can you take care of your girlfriend? Do you understand him when he says he doesn’t have money and can’t take you out that weekend? Because in a life together there’s a lot of compromises to be made…and one needs to be flexible…
In the other instance, are you running away? Think you’re not enough? That you can’t do something that you so naturally do… does God need to work on your courage?
But the main point is where is your heart? Is it with God?
1.I have found it is much more important to seek Him first. Seek His kingdom.
2. Then to seek to do my purpose. Whatever it may be. And to do everything as for Christ. Be it work..work at it with all your heart. See if the promotions won’t come. If I am gifted in writing and the hospital needs a training manual why not help in that area? If I am good in organization and a camp is needed why not input my work there, it is your gifts that open doors for you, connect you to whomever you need to connect to.
3. To feed your mind. With the right kind of nourishment. You attract what you are. People, work, life or otherwise. And to increase who you are starts from what you think. Change your mindset. No one is doing you a favour by hiring you, by dating you…No. You are there to serve a purpose and if that purpose is not present then that’s not your space.
4. Find a mentor. Someone older, who has walked the journey you are attempting to. Find a wiser lady, well grounded in Christ, who has established herself in the path you want to take. An older man especially if you are a man, who will take your hand and have the moral authority in your eyes to guide you. Chat with them. Update them. Walk the path with them. If dating, have them guide that as well, it is important. You will learn from their mistakes and that of their vast friends and hopefully, have it easier than someone who has no one guiding them.
5. Learn to laugh. Have fun. Let the joys of life flow through you and in you. 24 hour call? No problem, grumbling or complaining will not change it, but a good positive attitude…having fun with it will seemingly shorten the hours and will allow you to leave there refreshed and tired but not exhausted/frustrated. Gratitude also goes a long long way. Find three things to be grateful for every day.😊
6. Life has a natural beautiful flow. Live it. Learn not to force things do your bit then allow it to flow. And Enjoy the flow. If it feels natural to call, call..if not, don’t.. don’t Overthink, don’t over plan, just let it be. The general idea is to know that that is the general direction and then to enjoy the journey😊😊
7. Believe good things are coming your way. Always. If you have the desire to have it then it is already yours.❤
8. You don’t have to say yes to every proposal you get. Your No is just as powerful and as beautiful. Don’t say yes to jobs you don’t want, men you can’t stand, girls that irritate you just to fit in. Your time will come and when it does, you’ll just know.
Everything will happen in its own timing. Your timing is not someone else’s timing. Just because they have a child now does not mean you get pregnant, and just because they have a car doesn’t mean you need it, breathe, live YOUR life. And by all means, enjoy it. Please
You only have one life anyway.